Re-entry is hard, in many ways even harder than living overseas. In re-entry, you are trying to sort out a massive change in identity, bewildering cultural cues, where home is, how you’ve changed, how to grieve the losses and celebrate the gains, what connection you can still have to your host country, and so many emotions, all among a people who expect you to just fit back in and who struggle to understand why this is hard.
A view from my kayaking trip while I was camping. Now I need to figure out how to paint white flowers in watercolor.
It is list week at Velvet Ashes, so I decided to share my “good list” for this re-entry. Tsh Oxenrider hosts a podcast “about art, habits, ideas, and things that make life better”. It is called “The Good List.” So this is my good list for this season. The things that are making a hard season better.
Debriefing Opportunities Two forms of debriefing have helped me to work at sorting through all the emotions and stuff of this transition. First, a debriefing program for a week of processing with others who have recently returned from overseas. It really helped me to sort through some of my emotions and find language and tools to navigate this transition in a healthier way. Second, a workbook called Returning Well that is full of questions to think through the overseas experience and how it changed you. For instance, my insight on food and formation came when I was working through a section of this book.
Listening Prayer and using a Labyrinth I’ve been consistently practicing listening prayer in this season and often using a labyrinth. I’m going to write more about using a labyrinth to pray in a separate post. I’m thankful for how often I hear the Spirit whisper to my heart during these confusing days.
Compass Cue Cards and Journaling It took me a couple months, but I returned to journaling to help me process and think through life. The thing that really helped me was getting this set of compass cue cards. Each little card has one question on it. I pick one card a day (as long as I don’t have something else I want to write about) and respond to the question in my journal. Some of my favorite questions have been: “What do you know for sure?” “Where do you desire Divine guidance?” “What do you need to release?” Having a specific question helps me to focus and not get overwhelmed with trying to write about everything!
Reading Lots of Books I’ve been reading a lot and have found others stories and ideas to be really helpful during this season. Some of my favorites from the last few months include: Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us Out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode–and into a Life of Connection and Joy–written by a trauma therapist, gave me a better understanding of my body, mind, and soul and language and practices to navigate recovering from the stress of living overseas and the traumatic way I left (plus living through a pandemic) Four Gifts: Seeking Self-Care for Heart, Soul, Mind, and Strength–lots of ideas about how to care for all aspects of yourself Sparrow: A Book of Life and Death and Life–a memoir of the author’s journey through grief after the death of her husband, which helped me better understand and navigate my own grief (I also like her book The Cure for Sorrow: A Book of Blessings for Times of Grief) The Lazy Genius Way: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn’t, and Get Stuff Done–as I navigate how to live in the U.S., this book gives lots of good ideas and guidance on how to make good decisions on how to make good decisions about the things that matter to you Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change At Any Age–affirming both the complexity of transitions and points out the number of transitions people (not just those who live overseas) face over a lifetime and offers practical skills for navigating transition
Talking with my Spiritual Director and Member Care People Finding supportive people who can listen, pray, and and help me process and discern has been really helpful.
Painting with Watercolor This is a new creative pursuit for me since we went into social distancing mode here in Michigan. Playing with shapes and colors has been a (mostly) joyous practice.
Outside Time and Lake Michigan The easy access to the outdoors–breakfast and prayers on the deck, camping, outdoor worship, Lake Michigan–plus a pleasant Michigan summer, has been wonderful. The Lake especially is a sort of thin space for me, so it has been refreshing to be able to go to various beaches frequently.
Stress Sphere Activity This was a specific activity from my debriefing that I keep coming back to. The basic idea is to draw four concentric circles, each one getting smaller. The largest circle is the sphere of concern–all the things you are concerned or care about. The next smaller circle is the sphere of influence–things you can reasonable have some sort of influence over. The next smaller circle is the circle of control–the things that you can control (basically: you). The smallest circle is the sphere of commitment–the things you actually commit to doing. Doing this exercise was really helpful for me. There are things that I’m very concerned about, like U.S.-China relations, but have zero control over. So this exercise helped me to place those worries in the correct sphere, where I don’t spend (much) energy on them. Since doing this, I’ve been much better at sticking to the things that are my commitments at this time and not stressing about all the other stuff I’m concerned about.
Responding to Invitations Several people I don’t know that well have reached out and offered to talk, and although sometimes my inclination has been to thank them politely and leave it at that, when I’ve responded to these invitations, I haven’t been sorry. It has helped me to rebuild some sense of community here.
Cooking Chinese Food So far, this has been a delicious way for me to honor my host country. It has also helped me get to know my current location as I’ve explored a variety of Asian grocery stores–more than I was expecting to find in the vicinity.
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