I woke up early on Christmas morning. It wasn’t because I was excited to open gifts or see my family. I woke up early out of an intense dream. I don’t usually remember my dreams, but this one I do.
Some of the details are fuzzy, but it was a dream about grief. Someone close to my cousin that died this year had also died. It felt like the family’s barely scabbed over wound was ripped open again. In the dream, I was holding my elderly grandpa (who died a year and a half before my cousin in actual time) as he sobbed. I felt the weight of his body against mine as tears ran down his face and mine.
As I slowly woke up to my dark bedroom in Beijing, I felt the grief from my dream. And I knew it wasn’t just in a dream. It is real grief coming out. My grief, my family’s grief, my friends’ grief. Grief that doesn’t go away because it is the holidays and everything is supposed to be merry and bright.
As I awoke to grief, I remembered the candles we lit last night. The Christ candle in the center if the advent wreath and smaller candles from that light.
I remembered the passages we read:
“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness– on them light has shined” (Isaiah 9:2).
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it” (John 1:5).
“I am the light of the world; the one who follows me will not walk in darkness but have the light of life” (John 8:12).
This is the good news of Christmas. The light shines in the darkness. The darkness is real. The shadows are real. The pain is real. The grief is real.
And the baby in the manger is real. God came to earth and took on our flesh. The light of the world came into a world full of pain and darkness. And Jesus’ light shines into our lives, promising that no matter what we face, he is Emmanuel–God with us. God with us in our grief and pain and sadness.
And so on this Christmas morning, the first thing I did was plug in the Christmas lights in my room as a reminder that the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can not overcome it.
Comments